We often think of “Rumours” as nasty, malicious gossip, spread by one vindictive party, to hurt another. What if all Rumours, are not malicious, vindictive gossip, designed to create mischief but are in fact truths, even if unpleasant?
And what if the essence of the so-called rumour is the truth, but adorned with embellishments, to make it either more palatable, does that make it any less of a truth, or any less vindictive?
The truth is, not all so-called Rumours, are rumours. But we can agree that some stories, Truth or Rumours, are designed to be weapons of mass distortion, deployed to inflict maximum damage to those against whom they are deployed, and usually for no good reason save and except to satisfy the malevolent ego of some wounded individual, bent on exacting some revenge, usually on an unknowing party, totally ignorant of the fact that the one propagating the rumour, is peeved at some perceived social injury and or slight, supposedly inflicted by ‘their’ intended victim.
Most times these Rumours, would not stand up to scrutiny, or even a cursory examination, save for the fact that the victims, give them legs on which to run, and thereby do harm.
If you are the victim of a rumour, before rushing to try and squash it, and in so doing, give it more life, first question the source, and the motivation; and then act only after you are sure of the answers to the two questions posed above, and after questioning yourself to determine your own objectives before you address these rumours.
And then there’s the question of proportionality – in that if you respond, what format will your response take – That of the Feather, in that you brush it off as light-hearted mischief, Or you go for the Sledge-Hammer response, for maximum rebuke and fallout as a signal that you are indeed up to the game and ready to play, and you yourself, have more than a few rumour-bombs, to drop!
So, the Feather response is pretty much you adopting the self-effacing response, almost apologetically, brushing the malice aside, as if someone inadvertently stepped on one of your toes. Instead of making hay out of the incident, you brush it aside as if it’s really nothing.
And then there’s the Sledge-Hammer’s response: this is when someone inadvertently steps on one of your toes, instead of brushing it off, you give it so much energy, is akin to responding by using a Sledge-hammer to break the offender’s shin-bone, The attending pain and physical discomfort guaranteeing that the offending party, will never repeat that mistake ever, again.
To be Fair, the Sledgehammer effect, is the more effective of the two, because if you give quarter in the face of an assault, the aggressor will only continue edging forward, going in for the kill. So, to prevent death by a thousand little cuts, going for the Jugglar will stop this aggressor in its tracks.
A, for example, is you supposedly have a good friend, who is always ribbing you by innocuously attacking you, your character and or besmirching you, when there’s an audience. A friend of many years reminded me of one of his favourite Sledge-hammer responses recently, when he was ‘greeted’ by a ‘friend’ at a cocktail reception, and asked “You still selling sleaze,” (He operated a Travel and leisure Business, specializing in selling tours to the Dom Rep) Responded with a bomb of his own, ‘Got better at it, you know. Making Millions. By the way, how’s the wife’, Pausing long enough for dramatic effect before going in for the kill, Is She still fucking the gym instructor ‘boy’?’
Well, you could literally have heard a pin drop a mile away, because the response was just above the cocktail chatter, to have carried across the pool deck. And it made for a very awkward few minutes that were only relieved, when the one who was sledged, slinked away, in turmoil and confusion.
Truth is, when I enquired of my friend if the offender’s wife was really sleeping with the Gym instructor, his response was, I Don’t know and I don’t care. I have grown tired of his constant ‘friendly jabs’, and decided to give him one of my knockout punches, and I am happy I did!
Then and there, I understood the tactic and not only welcomed it, but I also embraced it and took it up another notch, by applying the preemptive strike, to it. When asked the ridiculous question by acquaintances when out; “Are you behaving Yourself?”. I Would respond with the cryptic response: “According to your neighbours, you are the one misbehaving”.
But my favourite response to silly people and their mundane attempts to indulge in small talk is when I meet someone for the first time, and after I am introduced and they begin with: “So you are Sally Burnside, I have heard so much about you!’, in what always manages to sound accusatory in manner and tone. So I developed a stock response, which was: “Yes, I am, and everything you have heard is all true!”.
Now, this usually takes the wind out of their sail for a few seconds, and by the time they realize that my response was a big “fuck you” and your hearsay, I have moved on to meeting others, Dismissing them in my wake.
You see, by telling them that all they have heard is true, you are essentially saying I don’t give a fuck about you and what you have supposedly heard.
This is the way one should handle Rumours and those spreading them. If you are so unlucky to have a royal hypocrite as a ‘Friend’, who is willing to share the latest rumour they happened to have ‘overheard’ about you, welcome the news, and embellish it by adding a few juicier details, for him/her. This essentially robs the bearer of the bad tidings they thought they were bringing, and of the prize of gloating, they wished for and puts them on notice of the fact that you are wise to their game.
In this respect remember these three maxims;
- Deny No Rumour
- Confirm No Suspicions, and
- Face Your Accusers.
By adhering to these three maxims, you effectively kill all rumours or neutralize them.
Remembering that the fuel of rumours is fear, Fear by those targeted, that such rumours will do incalculable harm to their reputation, and or professional and social standing so that eventually, one becomes a pariah.
Take the fuel away, by standing up to them; when you do, you have neutralized their power over to you. Remember, rumours abound about all and sundry, And those who know you, are already aware of your capacities and capabilities, so no trivial rumour will intrude on their opinion of you and your character. And unless the rumour is some earth-shattering new piece of news that was never in the public domain, then there’s nothing to worry about. Hug it up and move on, After all, it’s mind over matter – You don’t mind, because those spreading the rumours, don’t matter!!
