Are Women Not Getting Most Of The Pleasure In Sex and Why Orgasms Are So Misunderstood?

There’s a very real “orgasm gap” which reveals that heterosexual women orgasm significantly less than heterosexual men. Let’s talk about the role of orgasm in good sex.

The media constantly uses sex to channel our attention to music, advertisements, and of course the entertainment industry on a whole, yet sex is still considered one of the most taboo topics to thoroughly engage. To many, sex is seen only as a gift that makes procreation possible, even though that in itself is true. Sex is a tool we should use to properly learn about our bodies and our immanent spirituality. Thanks to our current sex culture, which is predominantly influenced by the porn industry, a plethora of people are of the view that the whole crux of sexual intercourse is the orgasm. Since sex should be an interrelation of connection and pleasure, it is exceedingly short-sighted to view the orgasm as the only goal.

A lot of people don’t orgasm during intercourse, particularly women. A simple question like,” when was the last time that you had great sex with an amazing orgasm?”, would reveal the gravity of the situation. Why is it that most men will answer the aforementioned question, saying almost every time they have sex, while a great assemblage of passionate women will have a difficult time remembering?

Being non-orgasmic can take a serious toll on self-esteem and a sense of wholeness, many women wonder if there is something wrong with them when they don’t orgasm with regularity. “A woman’s body is like a violin and all, and that it takes a terrific musician to play it right”―JD Salinger. It is clear that the American writer JD Salinger understood the disparity that a woman needs to be aroused longer than a man does to be able to orgasm.

In the incremental field of orgasm research, the female orgasm remains an inexplicable, sparkling unicorn to many. Most men actually think that their woman always has an orgasm during their sexual encounters. While the statistics evince a very different revelation. This states that 80% of women fake orgasm because their men are not stimulating them long enough to get them to the ‘Big O’.

“Many men have an investment in women’s orgasms. It’s as if their masculinity is afflicted if women don’t have orgasms. Men have more of a division between affection and sex. Whereas most women are less concerned about sexual function than wanting their partners to be affectionate and caring- they pretend to have orgasms so their partners will feel that they have performed well.”

―Avodah K. Offit, The Sexual Self

Sex is meant to be an intensely spiritual practice and one that can offer you more pleasure than the actual orgasm itself. This can be done through Tantra, an ancient Eastern way of having sex that makes it a sacred practice. This encourages different methods of creating and building sexual energies between two partners for spiritual enlightenment. Sex then becomes more pleasurable when it’s not just that — sex.

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