Are you generally an insecure partner,, always looking for signs to confirm your suspicions that your spouse is cheating? Or are you the content partner who embraces life and love as gifts from the universe, not to be questioned, quantified, and or psychoanalyzed but gifts to be enjoyed?
Have you ever asked yourself why you are always looking for signs that your other half is cheating, is it that you are projecting, or is that you can’t believe the lucky stars that you were gifted to land a partner as gifted as yours and so constantly question his/her fidelity, to satisfy your own lack of confidence; your own beauty, sex-appeal and or attractiveness?
If you are constantly looking for clues to support your suspicion that your partner is cheating, it’s time you be reminded of the old saying: “Those Who Look For Faults, Will Find Nothing Else.”
And this is also true of those who are constantly looking for signs of a cheating partner, as anything you look for you will find, because irrespective of what the truth is, those looking for signs of cheating will find them if they are innocent innocuous little signs with a completely logical explanation, those logical explanations, will fade into insignificance when compared to the mountain of ‘evidence’ amassed to support the proposition. In this scenario, it’s not cheating that kills a relationship, but a suspicious mind, warped by insecurities, that is prepared to carve the truth to fit its own version of the facts.
One of the very first foundation pillars of a relationship is usually trust, for some however, Trust is removed from the equation and replaced by mistrust and suspicion. Usually the tool of the vindictive, insecure, stupidly jealous, and manipulative individual, whose motive is control. And when these signs show up, it’s time to cut your emotional losses and move on.
It is important to note, that your partner’s mistrust and or inability to believe in the purity of your love and actions, say a lot more about that partner than it does about you, or your actions.
Let us face it, some people have never been loved, so they have no idea, how to deal with love, so they question it, rather than accept it. Sometimes they even ridicule it, as a way of keeping their emotional distance. When they do, you should learn the lessons they are attempting to teach you and move on.
All that said, there are partners who will lie, cheat and repeat this over time, because of who they are emotionally. Some people cannot commit to one person emotionally as they are in a constant state of lust. Always on the hunt for new conquests. Some because they need the reassurance new intimacies provide; others because biologically, they are not wired for a storybook concept of love and romance, where boy meets Girl (or boy), falls in love, and lives happily ever after.
For many, that is not practical and so they are constantly on the sexual prowl. To be sure, many of these are capable of holding down a stable and meaningful relationship with one person, but that’s only if the partner gives that person the distance to roam and then return home. A dear friend whose husband always had a philandering eye earned the admiration and scorn of her friends by the defense mechanism she developed to maintain their relationship: Her mechanism was exemplified by her Mantra, was: “I don’t care where My husband gets his appetite, as long as he eats at home”.
Now this was a safe relationship, as long as they both stuck to the script. And even tho, she knew he was ‘eating out at times’, she was never sufficiently threatened by these episodes, to disturb the harmony, they had both ‘perfected’.
And as I recall their seeming happiness, it is important for partners to identify the type of relationship they want, are engaging in, and will nurture, before it becomes all testy and boorishly banal.
Some people are nest-builders. Some are not. Some will and can share your nest, but will not necessarily cohabitate. So it is best you identify your partner and identify, those deal makers and deal breakers before you have invested way too much emotionally, which makes walking away, that more difficult.
But if you are a person committed to a one-on-one relationship, sans third-parties, here are 10 traits to look for, in a partner that is being less than honest about the nature of your relationship:
10 Hang up the phones every time you enter the room. If every time or most time you enter a space and your partner who was on the phone, starts winding down the conversation, this could be a dead giveaway, that your relationship, has taken on another passenger. And one you are not supposed to meet and or even be aware of. This action by itself is not a clear giveaway, but an indicator that something could be up.
9. Has Friends, You Always Hear of But Never Met: If your partner spends a lot of time with “Friends” you have never met – People who have never been to your home or you theirs; if you have never been out with them for dinner; a weekend getaway; or a road trip, then this could be the ultimate sign of you being a spare, or indication of the presence of a spare.
8. Unexplained Absences from the Home and Family, Especially on Holidays: If you usually end up spending family or bank holiday weekends alone, this is definitely a tell-tale sign of extracurricular activities. The question here is not if your partner is cheating, but how high up are you on the totem pole, Cause if you were number one or even number two, you would be assured of some quality family holiday time with that partner and their relatives and friends.
7. Unexplained Mileage On His or The Family Car. If you are an amateur Detective, fascinated by things such as traveling time from your partners’ place of business/employment to your shared home, and you are familiar with the time and petrol it takes to cover this distance on a weekly basis, then you would have grown familiar with mileage usage on the vehicle they use. If you notice unexplained extra mileage popping up from time to time, then you might want to do some more observing before actually deciding to articulate a query. Chances are tho, the new change in gasoline consumption could mean that partner has a new interest that is outside of the usual routine, and that could explain the increase. Check it out!
6. Goes Out And returns smelling Freshly showered and sporting a different fragrance from the one he left home sporting: It is important that you are tuned into your partner’s hygienic practices and routines. If your partner is regular people who get showered and dolled up for work daily and adds a dollop of parfum or perfume, to seal the deal. Familiarise yourself with their favourite scent; and pay attention to the outfit(s) drudged for work. If you began to notice that there are times when the Outfit your partner leaves the house in is not the same one they return in. and is sporting a different fragrance, then your antennas should be way up…
5. If You and the Kids are Conspicuously absent from his Social Media posts. Then this is a clear sign of that partner trying hard not to offend another party in your relationship. The only people who object to Partners using pix of them and or the family on their social media platforms are usually another significant other; and or a sidepiece. If You and your kids are not being profiled, then that’s usually a sign of another presence.
4. You are Constantly not invited to Company Functions and Outings: If you find yourself being told of the Company outing; picnic, or family-fun-day, after the event. And if in retrospection you find you have never been invited to these events, there is more than spousal embarrassment going on. Meaning you are not asked because you are thought of by that spouse as not fit for prime time. This is not a matter caused by the few extra pounds you put on, but a calculated decision taken to isolate you from coworkers, and their gossip; or even a move to isolate you, but it is certainly worth investigating, as usually, there could be an Office romance brewing; or one that’s fully lit. So be wary and be warned.
3. He Forgets Your Name From Time To Time: If in mid-conversation, your partner ever forgets your name, or calls you by another, then remain cool and carry out your own investigations. You should commit that name to memory and as discreetly as you can, investigate to find out just who that other person is. Usually, you will find there is some kind of entanglement.
2. If You Find Condoms or Birth Control Pills In Your Partners Purse or Wallet: Finding Condoms and or birth control pills in your spouse’s pockets, purse, or wallet, should not be the immediate cause for an all-out fight, even if you both decided earlier that you will not use these items. If you do find any of these tell-tale items, the best thing to do is put on your thinking cap, and memorize the brand, (Even Photograph it) and check periodically to see if it is still there, or if it has been replaced with a different brand. If it has been replaced, it’s reasonable to assume it has been used and hence needed replacement, then, armed with your evidence, you can broach the subject, for clarity.
1.Be wary of friends: Especially those who are always there for your partner. The ones always offering him or her a ride; the one who calls you up to explain his missing date, or being late; the one who is always quick with an explanation for any concern you express. More often than not, time will reveal them to be enablers. It’s these friends who are always first to offer to hook up your spouse with a date, Take them to that risque outing, and even put out for your spouse. So be very wary of the friends your spouse hangs with. Proper Monitoring of friends, could save you a heartache and or a breakup.